In February we started to hear about this sickness at that time called Coronavirus but I know my family believed it could never affect us like it was in Asia. Good, bad, or ugly all of my diagnosis’s cause me to be more anxious and I’m a preparer in general so I started picking up a few things here in there in case things would change here. I never really stockpiled just picked up a few extra things. It became an ongoing joke with my daughter and husband because I would go to the grocery store and ask my family if Coronavirus came here and we were quarantined what would you want to have to eat or do. So yes I picked up some comfort items that we would have in the house if we would be stressing about going out.

In March, things became more real where cases were starting to appear and people were talking more about having to be quarantined. Grocery stores started to empty out too. I told my husband several times during this that it was great to be gluten free as the gluten filled breads and other items would be all gone but the gluten free areas would still be full. Still at this point I hadn’t hit the anxiety, annoyance, or just being plain overwhelmed.

The end of March our state decided to lock us all down. The Friday before this all happened we had made the executive decision to take our daughter out of school so that she could spend a day with a set of her grandparents. We weren’t sure what the future would bring and when the next time we would see them again or if we would even see them again. Who knew that Monday the governor would shut school down and change everything so dramatically. We are incredibly thankful that we did that though.

Now starts the phase of our life change. The first thing that happened with me was the fear/anxiety. I started to hear that people with PBC are higher risk (later learned that it depends on what stage you are in). We also started reading about what COVID does to the body and it scares me to no end. Its not just that we might end up with bad symptoms its that we might end up in the hospital when there aren’t enough doctors, hospital beds, etc. It leaves me sleepless. I worry that my husband and I are going to leave my daughter parentless. I worry that I’m going to lose my parents (one of whom has multiple health conditions that cause him to be higher risk). I worry that my daughter will get it and develop bad symptoms and end up in the hospital. I worry about what this is going to do to society as a whole.

With all this fear we as a family haven’t been into a grocery store since March. We have done pickups, thank goodness for instant cart and target pickup. I have made us all face masks and we have gloves. Yet with all of that we still go out and walk and live in a small town and you can tell most in our small town do not believe that this is a thing.

Now on to annoyance. So many things can cause annoyance depending on the moment. Politics in general are driving me crazy. I can’t even imagine opening things back up currently. I get people wanting to work since they have lost their jobs but is it worth losing your life or someone else life for it. If you can shelter in place for that much longer it may take the risk down a lot more but instead of our leader leading us like he should he’s encouraging other to protest people who are saying to shelter in place. I can’t imagine why our leader would do that its just ridiculous.

I love my daughter dearly but there is a reason we chose not to homeschool. Teachers are desperately trying to learn how to do this distance learning. Its going better then I thought but I do feel bad for my daughter as she is an only child and because we are higher risk she can’t even play with the neighbors. At least she gets to talk to friends online but us doing schooling at home and us entertaining her is getting old for her I’m sure.

One final annoyance, at the beginning of this gluten free shopping was getting easy. Now I’m having to shop at new stores and trying to learn what is gluten free. Also now companies who made great gluten free stuff are stopping that to make gluten stuff because everyone is hoarding stuff. Therefore finding gluten free stuff is getting harder.

Overwhelmed, that seems to describe my constant state now. I don’t know what to expect everyday when we wake up. I pray that we won’t catch it. I pray that government can make smart decisions and quit spending their time ripping each other apart. I pray I can control my anxiety so that my daughter doesn’t get scared. She’s definitely going to grow up in a different world. I pray we can get past this and somehow get back to some sort of normal. I basically am just trying to put one step in front of the other at this time.