Have you heard that they are creating a bacon flavored baby formula?

From what I can tell it’s true and they make some pretty big claims that make me wonder if I’m a bad parent by not giving it Lily.

From the Bacon Baby website:

By the age of 4 months, our test subject started to exhibit some amazing abilities including walking and talking.

By 6 months of age, she could read and memorize her early stage children’s books and showed an extreme level of coordination and balance – so much so that she was enrolled in gymnastics and ballet with children 5 years older than she was!

At two years old, she read her first 300 page book, memorized the Declaration of Independence and (this is absolutely true) began composing her first symphony.

Riiiiight. Something tells me this isn’t typical results.

Note that we can’t guarantee that your baby will become smarter or more athletic from using this formula, as those particular claims are still undergoing review by the FDA – but we think you’ll be pleased!

But what if it’s true? What if bacon flavored formula is the answer to creating a new race of super humans? What if I don’t get my baby this formula?

Then it gets even worse.

Currently, we are only allowing people to get on a waiting list for a very small run of this product, and the product will be sent out on a first-come, first-serve basis.

It looks like I’m to late! I didn’t jump on the opportunity when I had a chance now my baby will never be super bacon smart like the other kids.

Does this mean I’m a bad parent?

We’re doomed. We’re all doomed.

Hopefully your baby got in on the Bacon Baby Infant Formula so they’ll be super smart.

sarcasm 😉